So this song came on the radio today, and normally I wouldn't think twice about the songs on our local Christian station, they're usually corny or so terribly 80's I have to change the station. (In fact, I usually have showtunes playing in my room). However, today I chanced to flick over to the misleadingly named 'Light FM', flopped onto my bed in a state of confusion (my life lately) and was wondering where I had put my book when the words of the song playing actually caught my attention...in that demanding 'I'm speaking to you!' kind of creepy way that songs do sometimes. Here is (some of) what came on:

Before the Morning; by Josh Wilson (whom I've never heard of before today, though for all I know he may be some hot-shot Christian singer):

Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you
If there’s a God who loves you, where is He now

Maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending
... 
My friend, you know how this all ends
You know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there
So say a prayer
...
And hold on, cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture
...
It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh, the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

I know that the song itself is not lyrically astounding or amazingly clever; but it had that penny-drop effect on my spirit where I realise that God is telling me something that I need to hear. In the midst of the rollercoaster emotions, bleeding tumours, demons of the past threatening the peace in my family and in life in general,  I know that I know that I know, that God has a p-l-a-n. Even though the fact I can't decipher it is driving me nutty. I just hope I can trust Him enough to bring us through all the pain looking better than we did.

Then I found another song, this time by Andrew Peterson (The Silence of God) and some of the words were creepily astounding as well. I've been really struggling with why God doesn't keep answering me when I ask Him things. I know the general answer through His wisdom and His promises, but I wanted something more (like a personal message delivered to me from heaven, perhaps) and wasn't getting it and I wondered why...anyway these lyrics really spoke to me and maybe you'll like them:

It's enough to drive a man crazy; it'll break a man's faith
It's enough to make him wonder if he's ever been sane
When he's bleating for comfort from Thy staff and Thy rod
And the heaven's only answer is the silence of God

It'll shake a man's timbers when he loses his heart
When he has to remember what broke him apart
This yoke may be easy, but this burden is not
When the crying fields are frozen by the silence of God

And if a man has got to listen to the voices of the mob
Who are reeling in the throes of all the happiness they've got
When they tell you all their troubles have been nailed up to that cross
Then what about the times when even followers get lost?
'Cause we all get lost sometimes...

There's a statue of Jesus on a monastery knoll
In the hills of Kentucky, all quiet and cold
And He's kneeling in the garden, as silent as a Stone
All His friends are sleeping and He's weeping all alone

And the man of all sorrows, he never forgot
What sorrow is carried by the hearts that he bought
So when the questions dissolve into the silence of God
The aching may remain, but the breaking does not
The aching may remain, but the breaking does not
In the holy, lonesome echo of the silence of God 

Someone had posted these verses next to the song (which I listened to on YouTube, which is illegal but I'm going out to buy the CD tomorrow, I promise!) and they were like, practically shouting at me so I wrote them down:

1 Peter 5:10 "After you have suffered a little while, He Himself will restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."

2 Chronicles 32:31 "God left him to test him and to know everything that was in his heart."/"God let Hezekiah go his own way to test him and see if he would remain faithful."

Psalm 108 (I think) "Be still and know that I am God."

It's amazing to think that God answered me while being silent by not really answering what I wanted -rather what I needed to know. I know He does that all the time but it's still amazing when it happens to you! He's asking me whether I will still follow Him, believe in Him and will I still obey His word, even when I can't hear clearly, or feel Him close to me.

Much love, peace and happiness to you...whoever you may be!
  

Isaiah 61:1-7

The Spirit of the Lord God (Adonay Elohim) is upon me; because the Lord has annointed me to preach good tidings to the meek; he has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound.

To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord (what does this mean?) and the day of vengeance of our God; (and I love this part) to comfort all that mourn;

To appoint (proclaim) to them that mourn in Zion, to give to them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called the trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified.

And they shall build up the old wastes, they shall rise up the former desolations, and they shall repair the waste cities, the desolations of many generations.

...

For your shame you shall have double; and for confusion they shall rejoice in their portion: therefore in their land they shall possess the double: everlasting joy shall be to them.

I wonder if God has a specific name for being a poet?

ISAIAH 58

Cry aloud, spare not, lift up your voice like a trumpet, 

and show my people their transgression,

and the House of Jacob their sins.

Yet they seek me daily, and delight to know My ways, 

as a nation that did righteousness,

and forsook the ordinance of their God:

they ask of me the ordinances of justice;

they take delight in approaching to God.

Why have we afflicted our soul, and you take no knowledge?

Behold, in the day of your fast you find pleasure,

and exact all your labours.

  Behold, you fast for strife and debate,

and to smite with the fist of wickedness;

you shall not fast as you do this day,

to make your voice to be heard on high. 

Is it such a fast that I have chosen?

A day for a man to afflict his soul?

Is it to bow down his head as a bulrush,

and to spread sackcloth and ashes under him?

Will you call this a fast, and an acceptable day to the LORD?

 

"Is not this the fast that I have chosen:

to loose the bands of wickedness,

to undo the heavy burdens,

and to let the oppressed go free,

and that you break every yoke?

Is it not to deal your bread to the hungry,

and that you bring the poor that are cast out to your house?

when you see the naked, that you cover him,

and that you hide not yourself from your own flesh?

Then shall your light break forth as the morning,

and your health shall spring forth speedily;

and your righteousness shall go before you;

the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.

Then shall you call, and the LORD shall answer;

you shall cry, and He shall say, `Here I am.'

If you take away from the midst of you the yoke,

the putting forth of the finger and speaking vanity,

and if you draw out your soul to the hungry

and satisfy the afflicted soul,

then shall your light rise in obscurity

and your darkness be as the noonday.

And the LORD shall guide you continually,

and satisfy your soul in drought,

and give strength to your bones;

and you shalt be like a watered garden,

and like a spring of water whose waters fail not.

And they that shall be of you shall build the ancient ruins;

you shall raise up the foundations of many generations,

and you shalt be called the Repairer of the Breach,

the Restorer of Paths to dwell in.

 

"If you turn away your foot from the Sabbath,

from doing your pleasure on My holy day,

and call the Sabbath a delight,

the holy of the LORD, honourable,

and shall honour Him, not doing your own ways,

nor finding your own pleasure, nor speaking your own words,

Then shall you delight thyself in the LORD;

and I will cause you to ride upon the high places of the earth,

and feed you with the heritage of Jacob your father;

for the mouth of the LORD hath spoken it."

 (p.s. sorry for the weird formatting)